I have not made a post in nearly a year. I have started one or two but never pulled the trigger. My own inexperience and fear of failure holding me back. Combined with not sure of the imagine that I wanted to project to the world. Though in the end many of these thing are simply an excuse. A poor attempt at justifying myself.
The thing that did happen in that time is that I have lived. Done a thing that in the past I wouldn't have thought possible for myself. I was a foster parent of four kids, along with my own little one. A house hold of five!
Me and my wife started fostering in I think 2023, about halfway through. Now there is a lot that I can't say of course. But we started with one. For a whole year. Then we took on their three older siblings.
In a years time, I went from a household of one, too two, and then jumped to five. My household was loud, it was crazy, and there was drama. At times I didn't think I could handle anymore of it, and at other times I couldn't imagine being without it. Damn if I do, damn if I don't.
Then the kids went back home. The whole event was crazy, and sketchy. The legal system being what it is. They were focused on closing a case, even though to us it felt like they where cutting corners. Something someone said to us during this time was, system is what turns people away.
It was true. More red tape than I can count for every little thing. Then those above us, making decisions. Have the 'flexibility' to do as they want so long as no one above them calls them out. Those below don't have voice, and at times we felt like we weren't expected to be parents but glorified babysitters. I don't know if other foster parents felt this way, not many other male foster parents in my social circle to ask.
Now I am ranting, but does this all mean I didn't want the kids to go home? No, I am happy that they got to go back to their mom. Is the situation perfect, no. But no situation is. But there is love, lots of love from their parents that truly want to be their parents. And that goes a long way in life. I was more frustrated, that we are held to high standers but those above us who enforce these rules can have 'flexibility'. In how the deal with things.
We currently are having a break from fostering, while we have a second biological kid. But we intend to do this again after that. The experience was crazy, going from one kid to five kid. In that time I felt more like an adult than I have ever felt in my life.
I have learned, and grown. Yet I still miss my kids. They are happy, and that makes me happy too.
No comments:
Post a Comment